It’s been a long six months for my family, and as June draws to a close I thought that I would tell the story.
You may recall from multiple previous blog posts (see I build walls | Reality Check) that I’ve had a … tumultuous relationship with my father. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and my father was intermittently present in my life until he decided that we weren’t good enough to be in his life at all.
Well, my father’s body was discovered earlier in the year. I don’t mean to sound grotesque or callas with that statement, but it is an accurate description of the situation. He died alone and wasn’t reported missing for a number of days. It makes me sad that his decisions in life led to this situation, that no one was concerned when he wasn’t heard from after 24 hours.
I won’t go into the turmoil that my family was thrown into other than to say that I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive my sister for some of the things she said.
I thought that I had started to deal with the trauma my father had caused to my family, however my emotional response to his passing assured me that I had not. I was angry. I was really angry. Why was he suddenly at the centre of our lives again? And then I realised that his influence on my life is finite and that this was the start of a period of healing for me and my family.
We got word last week that his death has finally been ruled a suicide. Unfortunately he is not the first person in my family to have ended their life in such a manner. But our decisions are what direct our lives and unfortunately his last decision was fatal.
I know that we’ve all got some healing to do and I hope that we can move forward with our lives.
If you or someone you know requires crisis help/assistance, please contact your local support services. In Australia, you can contact Life Line on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.