I’ve written a few novels that will probably never get published. Each one contains a heroine who is strong and independent and overcomes her own walls to fall in love. The male love interest is never there to save her, instead he is there to be the loving, caring man that she deserves. He does, however, always seem to arrive after a particularly rough time in her life- moving towns, changing jobs, the end of another relationship.
Unfortunately that never happens in real life.
And it’s okay to be sad at the end of a relationship. You don’t have to move on immediately. You can morn what was lost or what could have been. You can cry and scream. Because the hurt is real. So, so real. And no one can take that hurt away from you, not even the arrival of your perfect man.
I always have to remind myself that it’s okay to be upset that a relationship doesn’t work out. I got hurt by someone who promised me things and then couldn’t honour that promise. I was let down. I was disappointed. I was mistreated. And all of that hurts. It hurts us to our core and it tears at the delicate strings that keeps our heart together.
Because an end is an end. It is not the beginning of a new stage of your life- that comes after you’ve finished hurting. An end is final, no going back to worsen the hurt. No new hurt, no new disappointment. Just old hurt and eventually healing. But you heal with a scar, because the wound went so deep. And years later, when you lie awake at night, you can still remember how painful that hurt was.
The hurt, the pain, is just too much for me. I don’t know if I can do it again. My heart needs to be protected, it needs to be buried down deep. It is so disfigured from all the scars that I worry another one may cause it to break permanently. But even a disfigured heart is better than a broken heart or no heart at all.