There is no doubt that we all go through phases of doubting ourselves. Am I making the right career choice? Should I really buy that pair of shoes? Does green make me look green? The latter is actually true in my case.
And then there are the times that the actions of others make us doubt ourselves. The guy that you caught looking at you once but not the rest of the evening, was he actually looking at you? The guy that randomly messages you one night but not again, well he was probably bored.
The worst is when you’ve spent two months talking to a guy but he suddenly loses interest. He was a good looking, articulate guy with a good career. You had some similar interests and over time found yourselves friends on every social media platform. Things looked like they were going in the right direction. But then everything stalls.
Obviously, there is someone else. I mean, why would he have been interested in you anyway. You were probably the first person to message him when he started his dating profile and he had no one better at the time. You know that you are too fat and your nose is too big. You are not very good at exercise and hate to run (honestly, it is the worst), whereas he runs marathons. Sure, you have a cool job that involves a lot of responsibility and that got him interested for a bit. But then he realises that it is the only interesting thing about you.
It started off as a bit of fun, but somehow you got a bit too involved and now you are more invested than you ever intended to be. So it hurts when he doesn’t try. And you try to hang on and compromise yourself a little while doing so. But you know that he is just going to drift away, towards the woman that is better than you. That thinner, funnier, more interesting woman.
It frustrates you that you have let someone through those defences and they didn’t realise, or worse, didn’t care. You had dared to dream that you had been good enough for someone else. But you were wrong again and you wonder if you will ever be good enough for someone.
I’m really starting to doubt it.