I think that I have discussed a few times that I have not been successful with any dating, let alone online dating. There have been, however, three situations in which I would have liked to take it past an email on a dating website. But as with everything in my dating past, I didn’t know how to achieve this.
I don’t know if it is because I was inpatient and could not wait to receive his messages or if I actually cared about what he had to say to me, but in these situations I found myself constantly checking my email for a reply. The deeper our conversations went and the more we got to know each other corresponded with more emails and messages. I wanted to have a real conversation with him, something that lasted more than a few lines or conversely many a paragraph and was more frequent than every few hours. It was like being in a relationship on a soap opera- despite weeks of episodes, the characters were still in the exact same place and having the exact same discussion.
Maybe texting would have facilitated faster response times and felt more like a conversation than emailing? But I was and am scared to give out my number. I’ve watched my mum get prank calls so frequently that she had to change her phone number. My phone number has always been something I’ve guarded and I don’t readily give it out to new friends or work colleagues. It feels like too big of a step for someone I’ve never met in real life.
Likewise, I’ve considered a social media add. But then I second guess it because I feel like it could give away too much information about me. Facebook has my family (including a particularly horrible picture that I want my mum to take down) and friends, my likes and rants and those very embarrassing 2009 posts about selfish teenage things. Then again, I have added other men that I have attempted to court (see the Accountant) after meeting them only a few times.
I guess my main concern is that the relationship won’t work out and I have given access to my life that I grant few people. I think that this is impacted by the fact that I have not physically met the guy. I don’t think I would hesitate to add a guy on Facebook if we had met in real life or got to know each other through a friend.
And finally, if taking the step to move away from the dating website and into more personal communication forms is reasonable, when should I do this? Is one week too short? Does the window close and the guy lose interest if it has been too long? Is there an optimal time to say, “Hey, I like you. Do you mind if we move our conversations to a different media platform?”
I’m starting to think that I would like to go the next step with the guy I’m currently talking to. It hasn’t been that long and it could go spectacularly wrong but I think I might have to learn to be less guarded. Wish me luck!