We all know that I have a history of no success when it comes to love. I think that one of my many problems is that I struggle to know when men are actually flirting with me. I am also a terrible flirter, so it wouldn’t help me even if I did know when they were flirting with me. But in the interest of trying to better myself and further my education in the opposite sex, I have conducted some research with help of some awesome women of various relationship status’. I wanted to see if there was some consensus between women as to how they interpret their interactions with men. And if there was some crucial clue in the behaviour of men that I was missing.
Me- Hey, how do you know that a guy is flirting with you?
BB, 21 years, single- “Well it depends on what the guy is like. They often compliment you when they flirt. There is a lot of winking and extra touching. Or they actually ask you out.”
VL, 51 years, divorced- “Men are very different from my time. But flirting used to involve a lot of eye contact and banter. You know, taking and making connections with your dislikes/ likes/ friends etc.”
GA, 26 years, engaged- “Just if he is hanging around you 24/7. Um, if he is constantly trying to impress you. Or if he tries to learn more about you. And if it goes further, the flirting can become sexualised.”
LY, 26 years, newly dating- “I don’t think I’ve been flirted with properly, so I’m not entirely sure. Or maybe I have in the past, but I’m not sure. Is he playful? Cracking jokes? Is he trying to keep the conversation going?”
JB, 23 years, long term relationship- “You know me, I think that if a boy throws a ball at me then he likes me. I knew my boyfriend was flirting because we were playing vollyball and he would be hi-fiving me and be playful. You know, he was laughing a lot and complimenting me. They also smile at you and make eye contact a lot. They just give you a lot of attention and actually care about what you say.”
So, how did I interpret these responses? It seems to me that there is a common theme of men generally paying more attention to women when they flirt. Apparently they joke and laugh and make eye contact. But isn’t that how friends act? I think I am just as confused as I was before I started that process. So is flirting just what occurs between men and women when neither of them are in the friendzone?
Next time I meet a man who is not indifferent to me, I am going to see how he interacts with me. Will he friendzone me straight away or will the poor guy attempt to flirt with me? And will I still completely misinterpret his actions and think that a friend is flirting (more likely scenario) or that a guy is actually flirting with me (least likely scenario)? I guess the research continues.
(But hey, let’s be realistic here, that may take many years. So stay tuned!)