Let me set the scene for you- it was two months ago, I had a bit of time on my hands after starting work in the psychiatry unit and I was bored. I’d watched my way through anything interesting on youtube and Netflix and I needed something to occupy my time.
Hence, I returned to the wacky world of online dating. I scrolled through and sent a couple of ‘Hi [insert name here], how are you? Do you have anything interesting planned for the weekend’ messages (because that is honestly my chat up line). No response. Story of my life. I was clicking through some profiles and clicked on someone new to the site. Half an hour later I was surprised to find that he had messaged me. He started off by saying that he was new to online dating and wasn’t really good at replying to online messages but would try anyway. I thought that was charming and was even thinking about changing my pick up line to reflect this.
There were a fair few ‘get to know you messages’, talking about the weather and superficial conversation around our jobs. He was a biologist and did some important work for the environment (ie. preventing the entry of pests into the country). He was very passionate about some animals that I had never heard of and liked to photograph spiders. I suspected at this point that we would not be compatible simply because of the spiders. But he took a trip overseas to Rome after only talking for a week or so. He continued to message me while he was overseas, sometimes multiple times a day. I liked that he was prioritising our developing online relationship despite being in a beautiful city half way around the world. He told me about his adventures and it reminded me of how I felt when I was in Rome.
He returned home and our conversation continued well. It did slow down for a while, but I expected this as he would have been jet lagged and was restarting work. The conversation picked up a bit and we even started to talk about our opinions and ethical stances. For me, I don’t readily discuss my opinions on particular topics as I like to feel safe and I don’t trust easily.
But the conversation dwindled and I had to start double messaging. He said that he was busy with work and that he had to spend some time with friends who had recently received bad news. So I gave him the required space but the number of messages drastically decreased. After the final double message, he said that he had met someone in real life and had been on a date with her. In fairness to his developing real life relationship, he felt that he should stop talking to me. That was fine and the gentlemanly thing to do.
The thing is, I don’t believe him. At least from where I stand, it was pretty obvious that we did not have a connection. If he felt the same, then I would have preferred for him to say so. He didn’t need to lie. And why do I think he lied? Because his profile is still active and he was online last night.
Despite what this blog suggests, I can handle rejection. Don’t sugar coat it, don’t lie to me, just tell me the truth. Just say “Look, I think you are nice, but I don’t really feel a connection between us. I think we should speak to other people.”
But everyone is different. How do you like to receive such rejection?