Me and my friend Dani were inseparable in our early university years. Where I went, she went and what she did, I also had to do. We had the same taste in clothes, shoes, music and men. We were both plain Janes so we didn’t have much/any experience with dating.
Then along came James. He was tall, with dark hair and a very attractive figure. He had all the girls falling head over heels for him, including me and Dani. He dated around for a little while but he didn’t really have any serious girlfriends. So you can imagine my surprise when he sat down next to us in a lecture one day. He introduced himself and we all started chatting like old friends. He was so easy to get along with. Not to mention the arms and chest under his tight t-shirts. And his back. And his abdomen. And his butt…
I had to control myself on the few occasions that I saw him shirtless at the pool or changing before we went out to dinner. Be still my beating heart.
We became good friends with James and even got a say in who he ‘dated’. But that all changed the night that Dani texted that he had asked her out. And it wasn’t just a date masquerading as a hook up. It was a proper dinner and movie. He even bought her flowers. They went out twice the following week and before I knew it they were a couple.
But Dani was not good enough for James. Or so I told my closest friends. Dani had frizzy brown hair while I had straight brown hair. She had brown eyes and I had blue. She was short, I was short; she was slightly overweight and I was slightly overweight. And I was definitely funnier, had the more witty comebacks and was the more supportive friend. So why didn’t James pick me?
I guess Dani wondered the same thing because she was very insecure about her relationship with James. Any woman that looked at him too long was flirting and it always ended in a fight. For the first few months he tried to tell her that she was more than good enough for him but Dani just couldn’t believe him. She felt out of her league. It broke her heart when she heard the whisperings behind her back about James being too good for her. And of course I was there to support her and lend a shoulder to cry on, but not so deep down I agreed with her.
As you can imagine, Dani and James did not last. He said that he could not deal with her insecurity, she said that she just felt inadequate for him. I agreed with them. Their relationship was tumultuous and he could have done so much better. Or he could have had me at the very least.
But who the hell was I to think that I had a steak in their relationship? Who was I to decide who James could and couldn’t love? Who was I to say that a woman was not good enough for a man or vise versa? You see, we all do it. We judge our friends, our relatives and even celebrities. We think that we can decide who can fall in love and when they should fall out of love. But that is not our responsibility and that is certainly not our right.
My friend felt inferior because society and her friends told her that she was. She didn’t have a chance to enjoy the relationship because she was wondering when it would be snatched away from her by someone better suited to him. That is not how it should be.
I am going to do my best to not judge relationships on their appearance in the future. I encourage you to do the same.
**Disclaimer: Story is fictitious to illustrate a point**