He didn’t like me, so what is wrong with me? | When you try to be independent

As given by the title of this blog, I have been pretty unlucky in love. There has been no shortage of men to like and boy have I had my fair share of crushes. But inevitably they have not worked out.

I’ve tried online dating (Justin), I’ve tried workplace flirting (the co-worker) and I’ve tried blind dates (but was thwarted before the date could even be set up by the lawyer). Generally, I feel great about myself before I let my guard down and start to like the guy. And of course there is the ego boost when you think that someone is actually flirting with you. The pre-reality high.

And then it doesn’t work out and you find out that he didn’t actually like you. I’ll be honest and admit that I generally go through the five stages of grief for the loss of that potential relationship. But then I start to wonder why he didn’t like me. Why wasn’t I good enough for him?

Sure, I’ve got two rather large sacks of fat dangling from my anterior chest wall and a pair of beautiful blue eyes but what else do I have to offer? Am I too fat? Were my jokes not funny enough? Were the barrage of pictures of my pets just a little too over the top?

And what made her, the one that you were really interested in, so much better than me? Did she touch your arm in a way that I don’t know how or did her perfume intoxicate you? Either way, it’s a give in that she is prettier, skinnier, smarter and funnier than me.

So I guess my real question is- when will I be enough? Because I won’t change my appearance to fit the physical ideal that you may have (unless it is just via the gym because I’m really actually enjoying that). And I really don’t know how to do that arm touch thing. It’s just me, in all my awkward yet genuine glory. Please tell me when being myself will be just enough for a man to love.

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